So as I've said recently Ali had to quit and leave her position as my caregiver, facing this extreme sadness I've had to resort to extraordinary measures. To feel like a part of her was still with me everyday and that she was not employed by some other place I started drinking coffee and watching Grey's Anatomy. The combination of these two is literally almost as good as having her here (well it's not really, but it'll have to do). The craziness of me watching Grey's Anatomy is that I've hated it since it started, now I feel like a horrible person because I never gave it a chance and I've been missing out on Shonda Rhimes' genius story development for the show. The thing is I hated for so long because over the years my hospital anxiety has gotten really bad, my heart rate is literally through the roof the moment I enter a hospital. Now I don't have photographic memory like Lexie did on the show, but I remember how I felt in the hospital: in pain, afraid, and confused. All these feelings made me miss out on my childhood, every time I was hospitalized and I hold a grudge for these feelings--I can't let them go, they have control over me. A normal patient would be given anti-anxiety medication, but with my disability I would end up breathing less, and since my lungs are usually the problem that gets me into the hospital the doctors chose not to medicate me. The only time I went to the hospital for a good thing was when my little cousin was born, and even that was stressful because my aunt was in a lot of pain from the c-section.
So I took swallowed a large gulp of my iced soy caramel latte (took me several tries to figure out what coffee I liked, Ali always drank it super strong so I had to dilute it) and pressed play on Netflix. In 2 months I have finished 9 Seasons!!! Stay tuned for my review of the show!
Adios readers,
Yomara :)
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